and the world pasts by.

2006-11-03T00:13:00.000-08:00

Study. Study. Study

Practically what I have been doing the past few days.

Gosh, my future ahead relies on two freaking pieces of paper. Oh the STRESS.
I'm not even supposed to be using the computer. Dang, failed.
6 more days.
CONCENTRATION. I am needing tons of that.

I miss working on my sketchbook. It helps to relief whatever crap I am currently feeling inside.

Meanwhile, replies to the tags on respective blogs...
Sorry you guys had to see my horrible msn nick..as you can see its the only way to describe what I was feeling at that time. I hope it didn't bother you all too much and sorry if it did.

2006-10-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

Another chance.

Grasp that opportunity.

Another week to go.

Work hard okay, guys. (:

We are all in this together.

2006-10-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

I hate crying. It brings out the weakest in you.

And also, it is a sign in terms of defeat.
And makes you sleepy.

Please don't give up. I am not giving up on you.

2006-10-25T04:03:00.000-07:00

A day of either dismay or happiness for others.

And mine would be the latter.

For once, how would it feel to be one of those that were happily jumping in elation after knowing their results, to be experiencing joy and sharing it with others, the excitment and momentum. Instead of keeping a poker face while trying to hide big shocks of disappointment within while yet asking yourself repeatedly, the famous question that would be thought of instantly,

Where did it go wrong?

Why did it happen?

And of course, the answer is very simple. It can only come down to, yourself. Just that I hate admitting that it was my own fault. That it would come down to this. That you have to miserably blame yourself for your own outrageous results. While the smiles of others jabbed me inside , while happy for them I couldn't help feeling but the slightest twinge of envy and jealousy.

What happenened, Hazel?

I really don't know the answer. This gutted and wretched feeling is consuming and rapidly spreading, I really can't help thinking of the most negative of thoughts. Looking on the bright side was never a point of mine. I don't even know why I am thinking about this, it is taking up alot of my mental strength just thinking about it.

Maybe I deserve it, but I am sure as hell think they don't.

Besides learning about the news, the final straw came when I heard about the state of others. God, that was one of the very few times I just burst out in tears. I guess it is because considering them to be one of my closest, it came as a big shock...And I just couldn't stop myself from crying. Not because I felt sorry or anything, I swear above anything else they deserve another chance. Wouldn't you have felt that way if the people close to your heart was stuck in an unlikely and trapped situation?

What is wrong with the school?

EVERYONE deserves a second chance.

I feel so sick,tired and confused of everything.

And I feel useless.

I can't even get a decent thing straight. Right now, I'm entirely not in the mood and the only cure seems to be if I berate at myself.

I am feeling in all directions now, the compressed feeling is getting to me.

Would someone kindly guide me to the right path?

2006-10-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

Something a friend said annoyed me to no end.

Why do people see violence as the god of all solutions?

Physical violence is never a solution to a threat. It is unnecessary, and you only end up hurting their loved ones and strengthen their hatred for you. And it also displays your mentality and lack of creativity to cough up an answer. To put it simply, resorting to it is the last desperate attempt to cover the remainder of whatever dignity, or lack there of, that you have left.

Where is your self-respect?

So, likewise in your case, it is nonetheless a very stupid form of security and relief.

But it's not like you realized that, haven't you?

2006-10-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

Something to kill time.
Nothing much yet though.